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Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. 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It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. [CDATA[ Your email address will not be published. Period. Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. Welcome | QuoteSaga Maybe this time itll work. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. Inspirational George Carlin Quotes 1. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. return cookiePair[1]; As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. 14 George Carlin Quotes on Education, Kids & Parents - Fatherly The less said about it the better. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reasonGeorge Carlin, They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Life is a zero sum game. George Carlin, 36. q("i", arguments) function(a9, a, p, s, t, A, g) { George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) The poor are just there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Quote by George Carlin: "But there's a reason. There - Goodreads George Carlin. Vicious Quotes Page 5. . _Q: [] The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. try { var ue_sid = "334-5362882-2183381"; Interview with Todd Leopold, edition.cnn.com. var gptAdSlots = gptAdSlots || []; var gads = document.createElement("script"); return false; The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, 13. Please dont forget to subscribe to ourRSS-feedor followInspirationfeedonTwitter,Google+,andFacebook! " George Carlin 15. A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. A Death! Right in the f--in head! The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. George Carlin, 33. George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. 50 Best John Mulaney Quotes For Every Comedy Fan, 13 Best Writing Tools for Inspired Authors, 30 Of The Best Dale Carnegie Quotes on Having a Great Life, 45+ Enlightening Quotes and Pieces of Advice, Inspirational & Spiritual Quotes From (365) Days of Tumblr, 40 Progressively Inspirational Sevenly.org Quotes, 45 Inspiring Quotations That Will Change The Way You Think #2, 5 Tips To Keep In Mind Before Hiring a Therapist Online, comedy about a singer who pretends to be a nun, friday funny motivational quotes for work, funny quotes about stupidity and ignorance, george carlin don t sweat the small stuff, george carlin on god the planet and the freak show, george carlin sayings that don t make sense, i dont want nobody fucking with me in these streets, positive funny inspirational quotes for work, quotes about getting screwed over at work. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? George Carlin quotes on the American government In America, anyone can become president. Theres no present. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? They own, and control the corporations. What if I want to have a crappy day?George Carlin, Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did.George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.George Carlin, So, have a little fun. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. page: {requestId: "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", meaningful: "interactive"} And fight songs. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. It will not be with jack-boots. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("sid", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. He was regarded as an influential and significant comic of all time. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Thats the problem.George Carlin, Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. "Never argue with an idiot. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. " George Carlin Quotes Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. My mind doesnt work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions I have certain rules I live by. Use your fucking heads! People cant seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. I mean, life is tough. ' George Carlin, 56. Thats the problem. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. var ue_id = "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN"; Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A.src = t; Some people see things that are, and ask, why? gads.type = "text/javascript"; What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, Let the scarring begin.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? His insights on the world of politics were always keen and often quite funny. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. //George Carlin Quotes on Religion, Politics, Government & Life - Goalcast And armbands. You dont. George Carlin Quotes - Facebook A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68. Laugh often, long and loud. By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, 39. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. 3. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("author", [22782]); I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); Aw, hes a comedian. init: function() { " George Carlin Tom, Id like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy. These days, Trajedi. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, It turned out I was pretty good in science. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, 40. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. Theres no present. We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. 5. We havent tried that for a while. Laugh until you gasp for breath. The challenge is to find it. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. url = "https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/mobile/phone_images-9e9093f0cfddba8c2b1e815375d976a3.css"; But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldnt afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. They're imaginary. His jokes were certainly aimed to provoke others but the hows and whys of it made him so exceptional. "George Carlin confronts reality". Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is considered one of the most influential comedians of all time. George Carlin. Like the boogie man. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. Quotes. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.George Carlin, When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?George Carlin, The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. Others see it half empty.I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be.George Carlin, Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Get future posts byemail,oryou can follow us onInstagram,Pinterest,andFacebook. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if youre really looking.George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Top George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14stand-up comedy specials on HBO taught us the power of words and how a person can use humor as a weapon. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin | Inspirationfeed Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. George Carlin, 5. Beneath George Carlins biting sarcasm and razor-sharp wit lay a heartfelt indignation at the injustices he observed in the world around him. No money to be made off of the homeless. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Theres a humorous side to every situation. Before, all you had to go by were these 14 quotes. Goalcast is an inspiring community for achievers dedicated to helping you improve all aspects of your life. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. Whether we agreed with his acerbiccommentary or not, his words always reminded us of how sharp a weapon humor can be in slicing through the surface of our assumptions and leaving us, as he would say, gasping for breath.. I love individuals. George Carlin. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? g = p.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; 3140. In America, anyone can become president. " If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, 26. We would love to hear your thoughts, so dont be shy and comment below! The people are f***ed. var source = getCookieWithoutJQuery("source"); Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? }("apstag", window, document, "script", "//c.amazon-adsystem.com/aax2/apstag.js"); My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. for(var i=0; i. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? 4. Died: June 22, 2008 (aged 71) George Carlin Quotes . I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Because theres no money in that problem. George Carlin 'Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners.' Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favoriteGeorge Carlin quotesor if you want to ask any questions or have any query send them viaContact Us. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. . You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm.George Carlin, Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. George Carlin, 31. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops? What exactly is viewer discretion? Its only a piece of cloth. George Carlin, 75.The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful of insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin, 20. George Carlin died on June 22, 2008, from cardiac failure at the age of 71. My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.George Carlin, Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuckGeorge Carlin, I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. for(var i=0; iGeorge Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) - Goodreads They own, and control the corporations. The only country that could invade America is America! My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. The people are fucked.George Carlin, A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed.George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.George Carlin, I think I am, therefore, I am I think.George Carlin, Everyone smiles in the same language.George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think.George Carlin, Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. A.async = !0; googletag.cmd.push(function() { Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. Laugh until you gasp for breath." - George Carlin 3. 4. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. George Carlin, 74. George Carlin > Quotes (?) Vicious quotes and captions plus a big list of quotations about vicious, xenophobia, and brutal quotes by George Carlin and Francois de la Rochefoucauld. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. ' George Carlin, 30. On The Simple Solution To Parenthood's Most Difficult Question "Parents are burning these kids out on structure.