We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. I will go out. Who cares about the future? 51. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 61. 9. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 5. George Burns, 253. Decomposing. I did not trip and fall. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Im like a postage stamp. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 221. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Wilson Mizner Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". 107. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 171. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 115. It gets toad away. We have a connection. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. The thing is, Im still getting ready. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. "You have to be odd to be number one.". Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) 14. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave 68. 99 Positive Morning Affirmations You Can Use Daily 177. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? Art doesnt transform. But then again so does . I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 264. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 209. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I didnt want to interrupt her. Hes dreaming too. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Bill Murray, 258. What do computers eat for a snack? Ken Dodd, 255. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. Its scary when it disappears. 57. 55. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Make it inspiring. Ive been doing nothing for years. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I can always be fatter. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Swimming trunks. My mood swings keep life interesting. 251. With a cowculator. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. No, but April may. I dont suffer from insanity. Milton Berle If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. 237. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Rodney Dangerfield. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Really? 2. Albert Einstein. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Albert King. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Not everyone has to like me. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. You wanna know who Im in love with? Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. I am grateful for that time. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 98. 222. Bill Murray, 257. 258. Lily Tomlin Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 160. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter (2023) Just like every Monday does on Earth. Bill Murray What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. 167. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. We need to hear a pin drop. Henny Youngman, 246. Im describing you. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 101. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. 150. 8. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 3. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 162. 7. 8. Only two more days until Friday.". - Unknown. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 20. 97. 243. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 125. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 22. 214. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 21. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. We frequently doubt ourselves. Never take life seriously. Dave Barry. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. 12. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. 268. I am fine. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 91. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 13. 134. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 40. Because it was soda pressing. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. My mind is becoming much sharper. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Chris Rock When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. Your email address will not be published. A mind is like a parachute. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. You can only be young once. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. I feed my spirit. I am full of vitality. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily Steven Wright, 252. Rome wasnt built in a day. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 140. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". When life closes a door, just open it again. This is a snap. Emphasis on the cool. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. Helen Giangregorio. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. Enjoy! Short people with an umbrella. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". Sincerely, yourself., 2. If only common sense were more common. 280 Short Funny Quotes and Sayings - Luvze Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. Decomposing. Enjoy! 87. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 76. I dont suffer from insanity. Snowballs. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. 1. 7. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 249. 193. 232. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. 5. I create my life on a quantum level. 162. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Because they make up everything. 74. Best friends eat your food. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 153. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! Bill Gates. - Bette Midler. We need to hear a pin drop. Sincerely, the floor. With time, I have started to value more time. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 21. In between, I am alive. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. 158. 145. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Words have the power to make or break us. 232. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 241. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Socrates. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 205 Hilariously Funny Quotes For Work To Make You Chuckle Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Go to bed with satisfaction.". If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. - Bob Hope. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. Chris Rock, 256. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. 226. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . 77. At night, I cant fall asleep. 45. 178. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. 163. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 8. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 279. I want to afford them., 2. 186. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". Wonderwoman: single. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 93. My body deserves love. 116. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 81. 113. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 144. 201. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 137. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? A gummy bear. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. What is Mozart doing right now? "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 238. I see the funny side of life more and more. 269. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Stop playing with me., 6. Your habits become your values. 135. 210. I wish my wallet came with free refills. ". If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. 110. You were too lazy to read that number. Erma Bombeck Find a quiet place without distractions. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 1. 226. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. Live life to the fullest. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 233. 168. Funny Affirmations. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Because they make up everything. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 69. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 9. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. avoid carbs. Funny Friday Quotes. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Youre talking to yourself. 126. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Your email address will not be published. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. The rest are too expensive. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. 131. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. 28. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. They planet. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 60 Happy Affirmations That Instantly Make You Feel Better Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. "Today will be a great day". "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". I love my job only when Im on vacation. 203. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 4. (John 14:27) 27. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I never apologize. 151. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 207. At night, I cant fall asleep. 121. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 100. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. 153. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). 229. 236. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 200+ Funny Life Quotes Dripping With Sarcasm And Wit - Scary Mommy 54. grateful. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. I dont think thats a coincidence. My jokes do. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 224. 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla You deserve it! One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Ive been doing nothing for years. 254. 15. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 104. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 53. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Today I was a hero. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". 184. I just go normal from time to time. 192. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. 262. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 28. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. - Catherine Pulsifer. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 170. I tried, but they wanted cash. 1. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 159. 85. 1. Sometimes the M is silent. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. 22. 1. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Short Positive Affirmations - 110 Powerful Affirmations - Mindbless 165. To thrive in life you need three bones. Effective pushing often involves poop. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. With a cowculator. Some when they enter, some when they leave. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 49. 56. 199. 191. 247. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. ". 224. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Chop your own wood. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 157. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. Funny Affirmations - Etsy Pat Sajak Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 66. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. In the morning, I cant get up. 81. Today I was a hero. 123. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . 46. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Sincerely, yourself. 221. 116. Why is England the wettest country? It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 145. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 18. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I did not trip and fall. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 32. 256. 52. Things are getting better all the time. 220. Required fields are marked *. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Lorrin L. Lee. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) .